Debbie Clark of VFP Chp. 125 delivered a speech at the King rally in Atlanta,
joined on stage by several VFP chapter members. Recognized from the stage
was Jacquelyn Fortson Hutto, Atlanta mother
of US Navy seaman Jonathan Hutto,
co-founder of the Appeal for Redress campaign.

Vietnam Vet and VFP Chp. 125
member John Zientowski at the
Jan. 15, 2007 Martin Luther King, Jr.
Day March in Atlanta, GA. Photo by
the Atlanta Journal Constitution.

Al Viola, Georgia Peace and Justice Coalition
official Photographer

Silence of the Dead
Voices of the Living
Washington DC May 13, 2006

---

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Stacy Hafley, her 4-year-old son Garrett, and two other sons
moved to Columbia after she was diagnosed with Meniere’s disease
after her husband was called to duty in Iraq.
(ANNE BREITWIESER/ Missourian)

Tina Richards could see that her son was in something worse than a bad mood. She tried to shift his focus, asking him if he remembered the silly things he used to do as a child. But Cloy Richards, a 22-year-old Marine and a veteran of the war in Iraq, became angry, punched out the screen door window and walked outside, his hand ripped open.

“Cloy!” she shouted as he walked up the street, his eyes scanning back and forth as if he were walking in front of a Humvee looking for makeshift bombs, one of his jobs while in Iraq.

“It was like he wasn’t here,” Richards said.

She ran to her bedroom and called Stacy Hafley, the president of the Missouri/Midwest Chapter of Military Families Speak Out. Richards, who lives in Salem, is a member.

Hafley gave Richards the number of the St. Louis Veterans Center to get immediate counseling advice. She also gave her the number of the Veterans Commission in St. Louis and a veterans advocate in Jefferson City.

“She calmed me down,” Richards said. “She knew exactly who to talk to, and it was comforting knowing help was only a phone call away. If it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t have known who to call.”
Military Families Speak Out is a national, nonprofit organization of over 3,000 military families that provides an emotional and physical support network for deployed and returning troops and their families. The group also protests the war in Iraq and lobbies to get the troops home.

Two months ago, Hafley founded the Missouri/Midwest Chapter to help people like Tina and Cloy Richards. After a four-month battle against the Army to bring her husband home from Iraq to take care of their children after she fell ill, Hafley wanted to help other military families in crisis. Most of all, she wanted to spare them the long, bureaucratic struggle that left her utterly exhausted.

Sent to war
A recent June afternoon offered a rare moment of quiet for Hafley, 25. Her oldest boy, Kobe, 6, was at summer camp. Garrett, 4, and Jack, 2, were swimming at a family friend’s house. She didn’t answer the phone, even though it rang four times in an hour and a half. Letting the machine pick up, she seemed eager to explain the desperation that made her an activist. She speaks in long, fast sentences and is sometimes breathless — the effect of the disease that left her helpless after her husband left for Iraq.

It all began in May 2004 when Hafley walked outside her Eureka home, opened the mailbox and found the letter that said her husband, an inactive reservist for the Army, was to report to St. Louis for training.

“My heart went to the pit of my stomach,” Hafley said. “When you don’t hear correspondence from the Army in four years and get a letter from them in a time of war, you know the news isn’t good. I knew that they were going to send him to Iraq before I opened it.”

Stacy and her husband, Joe Hafley, had been against the war before it started.

“We think war should be used only as a last resort, and it definitely wasn’t in this case,” Stacy said. “We don’t think the administration exhausted all of its means before going to war.” Hafley didn’t sleep through the night once during the first six months her husband was in Iraq, but she was still able to care for her children. She stayed at home during the day, taking care of her two younger boys while her eldest was in preschool.

When Joe returned for two weeks of R and R, the family celebrated her son Garrett’s third birthday. He chose an “Army guy” theme. They cooked out, swam in the pool at their apartment complex and went shopping for DVDs Joe would take back to Iraq. “We just spent a lot of family time together,” Hafley said. “It was great.”

She didn’t anticipate the toll his absence was about to take on her body.

Two days after Joe left, Hafley was cleaning the kitchen when the room started to spin. She grabbed the counter and closed her eyes. It passed. She thought maybe her blood sugar was low. But then there were more “spells.” She went to the doctor, the dentist, took antibiotics, allergy medication and started eating every two hours. Still, the “spells” became worse and more frequent. Eventually she saw a neurootologist, a specialist in the ear, nose and throat field. The doctor quickly diagnosed her with Meniere’s disease, a balance disorder of the inner ear. By that time, Hafley said she was barely able to walk. Rooms were constantly spinning, and her depth perception was off.

She couldn’t look after her boys, and they were soon taking turns staying at her in-laws’ house.

“At that point, I started freaking out,” Hafley said.

Trapped in red tape
Hafley contacted the St. Louis Red Cross. The organization verified her situation through her doctor and sent a telegram to Joe Hafley’s commanding officer requesting a release from active duty. Stacy Hafley still has the letter, which marks the beginning of a long paper trail documenting her struggle to get her husband home. The letter is postmarked June 20, 2004. After receiving the letter, Joe Hafley’s commanding officer e-mailed him the request was denied.

Ten days later, Hafley’s doctor sent a letter of appeal, stressing the severity of the situation. Again, the request was denied.

Hafley says she made around 20 phone calls to the rear chain of command of her husband’s unit with no success.

“When I look back, it’s really frustrating that a bunch of people in the military seemed to question that my wife was really sick,” Joe Hafley said. “It seemed like they were questioning my courage and saying that all this was just to get me out of Iraq.”

In fact, he said, the opposite was true. Joe Hafley had been assigned to a military transition team on an Iraqi army base. His unit of 25 men was responsible for training the 2nd Motorized Transportation Regiment of the Iraqi Army.

“Honestly, I did not want to have to come home,” he said. “I know that sounds horrible, but I really wanted to stay. I felt like what I was doing was really making a difference.”

He didn’t understand why the Army would not offer something — like help with the children. He said they kept telling him to get family members to take care of the children, which he said was not possible.

So he was forced to make a choice. “I’ll choose my family every time,” he said. “But I wish they wouldn’t make me be in that situation.”

He also wrote letters to his commanding officer asking for the release, but the commander’s response was that he would only give him a hardship discharge if he wanted to go home. The discharge would result in the family losing all military benefits. Stacy Hafley then called the office of Sen. Kit Bond, R-Mo. She received no immediate response. She had reached her limit.

The next day, she picked up the phone and dialed 4-1-1.
“City and state?” the automated recorded voice asked.
“Washington D.C.,”she said.
“Listing?”
“The Pentagon.”
She was transferred to a confused operator.
Hafley told the operator that she needed to speak with the Office of the Inspector General.
“She must have thought I was crazy,” Hafley said with a laugh. “I didn’t even think anything would be done,” she said resignedly, remembering. To Hafley’s surprise, the operator transferred her to the Pentagon.

A woman picked up, and Hafley released her story in a steady flow of words that could not be interrupted. When she was done, the woman transferred her call to a man she assumed to hold a higher position. She told her story again. The man transferred her again. When Hafley got done telling her story to the third official, he told her that he would look into the situation. Hafley said the official called back a week later and told her an investigation was under way. She never heard anything more. A few days later, she received a call from Pat Kerr, the state veterans ombudsman for the Missouri Veterans Commission in Jefferson City.

The 89th Regional Command’s Family Readiness Program had called the Veterans Commission to help Hafley while it worked on getting Joe Hafley a release. Kerr and a nurse from Columbia visited Stacy Hafley twice to assess the situation and determine what needed to be done.

“I was concerned for her safety and the safety of her children,” Kerr said. “Her Meniere’s disease can be exacerbated by stress. We wanted to make the environment as stress-free as possible, but that’s pretty difficult when you have a husband whose safety hangs in the balance.”

Kerr encouraged Hafley to move to Columbia because of the city’s resources for veterans and their families. Joe Hafley was granted a week of emergency leave to help his wife find a house in Columbia. They chose a modest ranch house off Rangeline Road.

The Veterans Commission worked with local churches, businesses and volunteers to arrange 24/7 support for the family. But Joe Hafley’s unit kept the pressure on him to get other family members to take responsibility for his wife and boys, he said. It upset him. His parents are in delicate health, and he worried about placing any extra burden on them.

Meanwhile, Stacy Hafley was paying a baby sitter to stay with her and the children from the early evening to next morning. Each stay cost $100. She said she nearly went broke. After four months of letters, calls and sitters, Joe Hafley was granted a release. In late October, he finally came home.

Life after war
Hafley has now found a medication mix that helps reduce her dizziness, but has lost hearing in her right ear and has 30 percent hearing in her left. She will eventually need surgery. She can’t drive but can take care of her children without help from sitters.

As his mom finishes telling her story on a recent June afternoon, Kobe opens the door and takes off his shoes. He smiles at his mother and runs to the kitchen to fix himself a snack, his bare feet smacking against the tile floor. Garrett and Jack are still swimming, and Joe is at work. He has two jobs, one as a security guard and one as a delivery man.

Hafley has her old life back and a new passion. She wants to extend the help she received from Kerr and the Veterans Commission to others.

“I don’t know what I would have done without them,” Hafley said. “I had to repay the favor some way.”

So she joined Military Families Speak Out and told the group she wanted to do something in Missouri. The organization encouraged her to start a chapter. It now has 50 members. “Stacy is a wonderful example of ordinary people doing extraordinary things because of what’s happening to loved ones in a war that should never have happened,” said Nancy Lessin, co-founder of Military Families Speak Out. “She does everything from putting together demonstrations, to sharing resources about how to take care of loved ones with PTSD, to brainstorming how to build the organization.”

PTSD stands for post-traumatic stress disorder. Since starting the chapter, Hafley has stopped working as a freelance graphic designer to focus on her nonpaid position as president of the organization.

She spends the majority of the day helping families find support while she watches Garrett and Jack.

“I’m constantly running interference with them while they’re trying to make Kool-Aid or some other mess-making activity,” Hafley said with a laugh. “If I have something that demands immediate attention, it’s like they’ll say, ‘Woo-hoo, let’s go play in the garage!’”

But she seems to have gotten a handle on balancing her activism and family.

“Hold on one second,” she said while talking to someone about her chapter. She has heard a scream from somewhere in the house. “Garrett,” she said in the loud but controlled voice of a patient mother. “What do we say when we want something? ... Thank you ... How would you like it if I yelled at you?” The high-pitched shrieking ceases.

“Sorry about that,” she said as she returned to her call. She checks her e-mail hourly and said it feels sometimes as if her cordless phone is attached to her ear.

Much of her work involves making calls on behalf of others, like Tina Richards, so they don’t have to go through the same struggle she went through. The day his mom contacted Hafley, Cloy Richards came into his house and wrapped his hand in a towel. Tina Richards heard him go into his bedroom, where she found him passed out on his bed, smeared in blood.

He slept for six hours. When he woke up he felt fine. They didn’t talk about what had happened.

A week later, his mother heard the words she’d been waiting for. “I know I need help,” Cloy told his mother. She called some numbers Hafley had given her. He has his first counseling session this week.

Protesting the president
Last Wednesday, Hafley’s chapter participated in its biggest event yet.

Members met outside a fundraising dinner for Sen. Jim Talent, R-Mo., attended by President Bush at the Ritz-Carlton in Clayton. Other groups were there, such as Iraq Veterans Against the War and Jobs for Justice.

Hafley emceed the event and led chants, like “1-2-3-4, we don’t want your dirty war, 5-6-7-8, stop the killing, stop the hate!” “We were not going to let President Bush come through the Midwest and ignore the fact that we are here,” Hafley said. “We wanted him to know that we are the ones that are living this war and want it to stop.”

But Hafley stresses that the group is not anti-war. “We just don’t support this war,” Hafley said. “We support our troops but don’t support what they are being asked to do, and we don’t believe in the administration’s view that Iraqi citizens are collateral damage. We want the troops to come home, and we want to take care of them when they get here.”

While he agrees with the organization’s views and supported his wife’s work, Joe Hafley used to keep his views quiet. “A lot of guys I worked with in Iraq don’t understand how the people who are against the war are not against them personally,” he said. “They feel offended when they hear about people protesting.”

He was self-conscious about being a veteran. He didn’t like how people responded to him when they found out he was in Iraq. “People would start to tell me how they had a neighbor or a distant relative who was stationed in Iraq,” Joe Hafley said. “They wanted to make it seem like they had a connection with the war.”

The comments frustrate him.
“The truth is, very few people are fighting this war,” he said. “Most people don’t have an immediate loved one in danger.” But after hearing how a Secret Service agent pointed a high-powered rifle at his wife after the protest, Joe Hafley decided to voice his views. The day after the protest, he told his wife to sign him up for Iraq Veterans Against the War. Stacy Hafley wants to tell people about what it was like to not be able to sleep at night, what it was like to know her husband was in danger. But she doesn’t want any special attention. “This just isn’t my story,” she said. "This could be the story of any family who has experienced this war".

ColumbiaMissourian.com

Antiwar Mother
Son Killed in Iraq on April, 2004

Celeste Zappala
Mother of Sgt. Sherwood Baker (National Guard) and Co-Founder of Gold Star Families for Peace
Friday, August 19, 2005; 1:30 PM

Above: Sherwood Baker and Celeste Zappala

Sherwood Baker, a sergeant in the Pennsylvania National Guard, arrived in Baghdad at the beginning of 2004, serving as a member of the military security detail for the Iraq Survey Group, which was looking for weapons of mass destruction. On April 24, 2004, Baker's unit was in Baghdad inspecting buildings when the building he was in exploded, killing him. He was 30 years old.

"When we buried my son, Sgt. Sherwood Baker, I knelt beside his coffin and vowed to him I would speak the truth for him. I believe this war is a disaster, a betrayal of the nobility of our military and of the democracy they are charged to protect. For the past 16 months I have been faithfully trying to keep my vow to my son," said his mother, Celeste Zappala , in an interview with washingtonpost.com. Zappala was online Friday, Aug. 19, at 1:30 p.m. ET to discuss her reasons for opposing the war and supporting the efforts of antiwar activist Cindy Sheehan.

A transcript follows.

____________________

Oakton, Va.: Do you think that if your son had been fighting a "just" war, and he was killed, you would still support the war? Or would his death turn you against the war?

I think many people in America may doubt you because they may think you are reacting to your son's unfortunate death. I do not support this war, but while I empathize for you and your family, it is hard for your words to carry much weight given the circumstances. Do you realize this, and how do you approach/counter/deal with this?

Celeste Zappala: Thank you for asking about this idea of a just war. It has been said that a just war is the one you would be willing to send your own child to. And for those who are the architects of this war it seems their kin are not involved nor expected to be involved. I think that is very important, and that seems to have an effect on recruitment too, many parents are not encouraging their young ones to join, I see that also as a failure of support by our Nation for this war.

I, as a very committed religious person, have always tried to practice non-violence and taught this principle to my kids, I also tried to teach them service- to whom much is given much is asked- so when my son joined the national guard I was worried for him, but not surprised - he was the kind of person you would turn to for help and protection.

What I find appalling in all of this is that the noble spirit and lives of our troops are so casually spent. It is evident this was a war of choice, supported by great stretches of logic and fact, if not out right fabrication, is that a justification or a definition of a just war, no.

War is a failure of human behavior, if war is a tactic it should be the last resort, I always thought that was a guiding principle of our country.

_______________________

Maryland: It sounds like Cindy Sheehan is going beyond her original reasons for protest and is now letting other people and groups dictate her agenda. Shouldn't she be more focused on her original motives?

Celeste Zappala: Cindy is my friend and we with a few others are co-founders of Gold Star Families for Peace, we have been working- speaking- writing- pleading about the war for more that a year. Cindy would like to meet with the president and ask her questions, but she, I and all of us are most interested and desperately want to end the war and bring our troops home now and take care of them when they get home.

Others have joined us, supported us, Stood with us. We are grateful for the support. Our message has not changed. This is about ending the war

_______________________

Washington, D.C.: Mrs. Zappala, I am very sorry for your loss and I understand your frustration with a war in which your son lost his life. Are you still affiliated with Gov. Ed Rendell's office in Pennsylvania? I know that the governor, as a Democrat, and the president, as a Republican, do not see eye-to-eye on the war in Iraq.

Celeste Zappala: Yes I worked for the Governor when he was Mayor and have great respect for him, I do not speak for him, but I was grateful that he attended my son's funeral, helped to pass legislation to assure that the children of fallen guards men could go to college in Pennsylvania. I think he is a compassionate person.

I have never met the President.

_______________________

Easton, Md.: Why don't more families speak up? Do they really believe that this war is worth their sacrifices? I've been stunned by how supportive the military families have been in the last year. I deeply regret the loss of your son. Recently I've asked why I should continue to care about service people dying in Iraq when so many of their own families seem to think it's a worthy cause. I don't think it's a worthy cause, but I wonder why I'm so bothered by developments when the military families keep singing the praises of this war. Can you shed some light on this for me?

Celeste Zappala: there is a whole spectrum of thought and feeling of military families, I do not doubt that some people are reluctant to say anything because they fear retaliation to their loved one serving, for those serving they may not want their families to know about their own doubts and fears. Understand please that it is agony to have your beloved one away in danger, the phone ringing is a threat, the unexpected knock at the door is terrifying.

So many remain silent with the prayer that their person will just come home whole, soon.

For others - they are supportive of the warrior, perhaps not the war, and no doubt there are families who fully agree with the war.

I respect the service of all the military folks. We need a military; the administration should treat them with respect, not lip service.

Do you know families have to buy equipment for their deploying soldiers? That still not all the humvees are uparmored, that contractors in the privatization of the war make 10 times the soldiers’ pay- something is very wrong here, But many families just live in silent fear.

_______________________

Reston, Va.: I agree that the war has 'been a disaster' from elements of planning, preparation, and reason. But I'm of the opinion that 'we broke it, we bought it'. Pulling our forces out of Iraq would seemingly create an even bigger disaster. Who would run that country? Would it dissolve into a state similar to that of Somalia (another place that we've left behind in worse shape)?

Is saving the American lives by pulling out worth the thousands (if not millions) of Iraqis that may be killed in the void? How do you propose that we fix things?

Celeste Zappala: I think that having an honest policy would move us a long way, How can we trust those who stretched the truth, refused to listen to correct information, trashed their critics - why are they still making decisions?

There are many Iraqis who have asked us to leave, many people on the ground think that our presence is inflammatory, and I think it is true we are making enemies faster than we can kill them, harsh as that may sound.

We should remember that Iraq is a 6000-year-old civilization, with educated people who have a right to their own resources, and yes we have serious responsibility to that country, but why are we building permanent bases? Why did we want to denationalize the oil production?

Is it time to listen to others who have ideas about exit strategy? Shouldn’t we insist that Congress talk about an exit strategy and be leaders? Why should we continue a disastrous war to prevent "further disaster”?

We all as a nation have to have this conversation. It’s OUR war.

_______________________

Woodstock Ga.: No questions. I was in the Gulf Of Tonkin thirty years ago. I found the reasoning for that war to be as big a lie as this one. I am glad to see a peace movement start. I support it and you fully.

Celeste Zappala: Thank you, there are many vets for peace in the movement who remember the same lessons you learned. Thank you for your service.

_______________________

Portland, Ore.: Mrs. Zappala, Please accept my deepest condolences on the loss of your son. My question has to do with media coverage of the antiwar movement. In view of the media's less-than-thorough vetting of the WMD claims advanced to justify the war, and their practice of embedding their reporters with military units, do you think the media is still capable of covering the antiwar movement fairly? How are you adjusting to being in the public eye?

Celeste Zappala: We families have been speaking out since the war started, it has been difficult to capture the media's attention and I do fault the main stream media for just accepting the pretense for war and not being willing to ask the terrible questions that should have been answered before we invaded.

The public spot light is difficult to handle, it is exhausting and remember none of us are professionals- we are not the pundits of the Sunday talk shows, we are just ordinary people, mostly middle aged woman who have lost their kids and know it was wrong.

Our message may be unpolished and shaky sometimes, our truth is real, I think the reporters for the most part that are doing the stories from Crawford are respectful and curious. Yes I think they can do a good job, they are professionals and intelligent, and I think many feel they were wrong to not have questioned earlier.

Just wish they had listened when the American death count was 720- now we are at 1862.

That is what really is important.

_______________________

Lusby, Md.: When your son volunteered did you believe that he may never see harm's way? When you stand and take the oath you are pledging to support and defend and follow the orders of those appointed above you. You may not agree with national policy but your son did by raising his hand. I just retired from 21 years of active duty and have several years of time in combat zones so I am qualified to comment.

Celeste Zappala: You are more than qualified to comment. My son was honorable - a 20 year old national guards man, who said to us "I took an oath before God, I will go and do the job and bring myself and my men home safely, his men returned, he did not.

I do not believe that just because a person has the job of president that his word, motives and decisions should be taken without question, that surely is not a democracy, my son did his job, he was betrayed by an administration that has not done theirs well.

The only title greater than president is citizen.

Thank you for being a citizen.

_______________________

Anonymous: How is serving in Iraq a betrayal of the American democracy?

Celeste Zappala: the decision to go in to this war, defy the facts, throw away the intelligence, ignore the advice of military leaders, and trash the advice of the whole world, in my mind is a betrayal of our military.

Service to our country is noble, people give service in many ways, and I wish everyone felt that unselfish service to their country was important.

Honor them all.

_______________________

Washington, D.C.: Dear Celeste, I'm very grateful for you and Cindy for making your concerns public. This past Wednesday, Fred Kagan of the American Enterprise Institute said that he thought U.S. soldiers are amply qualified to build democracy in Iraq (rather than simply fighting Saddam's forces), and he listed a whole laundry list of nation-building tasks for our forces. Do you have any idea how Sherwood or his buddies would have felt about that mission?

Celeste Zappala: My son was assigned to the Iraq survey group, they were still looking for the weapons of mass destruction long after everyone knew they were not here, a month after the President made a great joke out of looking under his desk and asking "where are those weapons".

No laughs from me, or so many who are lost in this sad misadventure.

Sher went to try to do good things, that's who he was, that’s how he lived his life, he was a caseworker for mentally challenged adults, the best most families had ever had, he was a great father, volunteered at community events, he should have had 50 more years to build this country.

So do I know what he would have thought? It’s hard to say, he did his job as asked, I hear form so many returning vets about the futility of what is happening now, perhaps we should be asking them all more questions and listening!

_______________________

Woodbridge, Va.: Mrs. Zappala -- As a proud member of a military family, I must respectfully disagree with your views. Whether you (or Ms. Sheehan) or any of us believe that this is a "just" war is irrelevant. Our soldiers are there now -- it was their choice to sign up and their duty to go. There are stories every day of men who have been wounded in this "disaster" of a war who choose to return to fight -- for comrades, for the cause, for many reasons. What right do you or I have to take that choice away from them? What right do we have to dishonor the memories of those who have fought and died by, in essence, calling this war a colossal waste of time that should be ended as quickly and injudiciously as possible? Didn't we do that thirty years ago?

It seems to me a far better tribute to leave a legacy of success to the fallen than failure.

Celeste Zappala: With deep respect, the military leadership have said there is no military solution, there will be a political solution.

I say the things I say because I love my country and am trying to speak the truth as I see it, I try to speak with humility, I do not want to be on this path, but I am on it.

I am grateful that you and others here are willing to be in dialogue, this is what our nation needs to do if we are ever going to figure out how to get to Peace.

_______________________

Dale City, Va.: I am so sorry for your loss. When did your son join the military? I think many of those in Iraq joined in response to the attack of 911 because they felt they could make a difference. However, Iraq was not invaded because of 911 no matter how many times the Administration has tried to say otherwise. Do you feel we may have done a better job in Afghanistan if we had not detoured to Iraq?

Celeste Zappala: He joined the National Guard in 1997, and told us, don't worry the National Guard does not go to foreign wars, they are here to protect the homeland, against fires and floods and disasters. And he would always tell me Mom don't worry no one from the PA national guard has been killed in combat since 1945- he became the first.

Sadly, I think our nation is still in great danger; Osama is still free, other countries have experienced attacks, suppose the resources of our country had been used to capture those responsible for 911? Where would we be now?

These are hard questions, and what are we not paying attention to right now that will harm us in the future because we are immersed in this war of choice?

It makes me weep for the nation.

_______________________

Pittsburgh, Pa.: My husband, an Army reservist, made it home in one piece from Iraq. Every day I wake up and wonder if this will be the day he is recalled to lay down his life for the Islamic Republic of Iraq. I am so very sorry for your loss and I am thrilled that you and Cindy Sheehan are in Crawford highlighting how much the military families have been asked to sacrifice while everyone else gets on with their lives. Thank you for what you are doing.

Celeste Zappala: I am grateful too that he got back whole. I ask this question to people all the time, what is the sacrifice required by all Americans? So many people ignore the war, and so many who criticize us for speaking out could go themselves if they believed in it, or could send the young ones they hold dear.

This is everyone's war, everyone needs to solve it- for some of us there can never be a "going on" we will forever relive the day we learned our prayers would not be answered.

_______________________

Dale City, Va.: What do you think about the possibility that women may lose what little freedom they had before we invaded under the constitution now being drafted? I think the women who were liberated from the Taliban regime could provide some real insight into what life may become for them in a theocracy. Is that really what Americans are being asked to die for?

Celeste Zappala: women's rights are surely a great concern to many of the political factions in Iraq, but what compromises will be made to satisfy a cobbled government.

It is a sad, sad realization that probably women will end up being less free in Iraq.

_______________________

Washington, D.C.: Good afternoon Celeste, First let me say. My prayers go out to you, your family, and all the fallen soldiers of this war. You are very brave for the stance that you've taken.

What do you think about the backlash that Ms. Sheehan is enduring from pro-Bush supporters?

What, if any backlash have you had to endure because of your antiwar stance?

Celeste Zappala: My family and I made a list of all the people who spoke out against this administration and then were trashed and belittled. It was a long list.

Cindy is suffering - people will say terrible things, she will be misquoted, maybe I will be too, but nothing changes the fact that our kids are dead, or that as we did this discussion some one else died in Iraq, and that we - all of us - have a responsibility to step up and try to end this war.

We will keep doing it to honor the vows we made to our children; we will do it to protect other people’s kids and loved ones.

And as to what would my son think of what I am doing? I think he would expect no less of me.

_______________________

Celeste Zappala: Thank you to everyone who participated today, I appreciated hearing your thoughts and questions, and for your warm support.

For those who disagree I thank you too for the chance to be in civil dialogue, I love my country, I know you do to, may we be guided by our best instincts and faith to get to Peace. I believe we honor our heroes by BEING the Democracy. Peace be with you, Celeste Zappala.

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Editor's Note: Washingtonpost.com moderators retain editorial control over Live Online discussions and choose the most relevant questions for guests and hosts; guests and hosts can decline to answer questions.